I feel some of you may not be able to digest what I've written here with regard the content and how I've described most of it. So don't read ahead if you feel you won't be able to complete it.
“Don't cry / Don't raise your eye / It's only teenage wasteland”
The Who’s Baba
O’Riley blasted through my headset as my train gathered speed. I was hanging by
the gate of the train and it had just left Dahisar towards Mira Road. I love
hanging out the train between Dahisar and Mira Road. The open expanse allows
for a lot of breeze, the train moves persistently fast, and nothing beats it
when there’s good rock music playing. Just that today, the train screeched to a
sudden halt as soon as it left Dahisar.
Usually when
such a thing happens it is mostly because someone pulls the chain; mostly as a
trick, rarely because of an urgent need. The train, most often, begins moving
after halting for around fifteen seconds, but this time it remained stationery
for over a couple of minutes. And then the Guard’s voice arrived over the train
intercom. He announced that the train would stay in its current position for
some time as it had run over a person and he requested the people aboard the
train to not get down and walk on the tracks.
A few
attendants and officials arrived with a stretcher after ten minutes from
Dahisar station, which was roughly a five minute walk from where the train now
was. The main official approached with torchlight as the train and its
surroundings were engulfed by the darkness. He beamed the torch underneath the
train to locate the ‘dead body’. And I don’t exactly remember what my reaction
was when he came and stood right next to our coach; right next to the gate I
was hanging by, pointing out that the ‘body’ was lying exactly under where I
was standing.
He summoned
his attendants to come quicker. They pulled out the ‘body’. Blood was oozing
from the back of his head. One of the officials said that he was alive, and in
all probability he would live. A miracle? Maybe. He was, after all, living. And
in one piece. After coming in front of an 80 km/h train.
The train
started moving. I put my headsets back on. The drumbeats of Blondie’s Maria
filled my ears. Was I just indifferent or what?
It wasn’t the
first time that I saw a dead body (though technically this one wasn’t, yet);
one that had been through an accident. Train accidents and I are old friends;
we’re not close, but we meet each other often. My earliest recollection of a
train accident was when I was below the age of ten, perhaps. I remember seeing
one at Dadar station. I remember the body being carried away to some distance
while the person’s shoes and bag were still at the spot where she (Yes, I think
I distinctly remember that person being a woman) was hit. I also remember another
one when I was a kid, but this time around I was inside the train and looking
out the window at one more life taken.
When I entered
college, my affair with train accidents increased. I started jumping into
running trains while it entered platforms so that I could catch a window seat.
I have dragged myself along the platform at least five times till date. I have
had my sandals dropped underneath the train too. And yet, I still do the same
everyday.
I remember that
I was at Borivali station once and I was just getting down the staircase when a
train was leaving the platform. A man hurried to get in. He almost got a
foothold and the other passengers tried to hold on to him but he went under.
Right in front of my eyes. It did not help that I was listening to Rihanna’s
Russian Roulette while this happened. I avoid that song whenever I board a
train now.
I’ve been
witness to not just train accidents though. Last year, at a usually not-so-busy
signal at the junction where a road connects Azad Maidan to Cross Maidan while
passing through Fashion Street, a taxi ran over a man and did not wait to help
him. Fortunately, some shopkeepers and others from the public came forward to
help him but it didn’t seem like he would live. I ignored it, spoke about it to
my friend who saw it too; she later admitted that she wanted to slap me and
tell me to shut up. That accident had shaken her up. I, evidently, was not
harrowed (though I did write a poem about the incident).
So is it that
I’ve seen death by accidents so many times that I’ve become numb by it? Is it
that I don’t care anymore? Or perhaps as they say, sooner or later, everyone
has to die. I’ve had a friend die in a train accident. I’ve had my uncle die in
a train accident (much before my birth though) and yet nothing changes.
Tomorrow morning I will still jump into the train. To be as comfortable inside,
and not realising that I’m putting into danger the ‘comfort’ of my life. Am I
not affected anymore? I don’t know. Maybe I am.
And yet,
Death be not
proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not
soe,
For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost
overthrow,
Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill mee.
From rest and sleepe, which but thy pictures bee,
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must
flow,
And soonest our best men with thee doe goe,
Rest of their bones, and soules deliverie.
Thou art slave to
Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poyson, warre, and sicknesse dwell,
And poppie, or charmes can make us sleepe as well,
And better then thy stroake; why swell'st thou
then?
One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die.
- John Donne