Favourites 2

I continue with where I left off the last time; although this time I'll write about my favourite songs of 2009.

Be warned, fellow readers. There's no Lady GaGa or Taylor Swift on this list! (Do I see half of my readers leaving me?)

11. Green Day's 'Before The Lobotomy': Off their latest album, '21st Century Breakdown', Green Day were facing a barrage of expectations after 2004's 'American Idiot' which featured gems like 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams', 'Jesus of Suburbia', 'Wake Me Up When September Ends', etc. Green Day answered back in a way only they could. 'Know Your Enemy' was just a warning and '21 Guns' silenced many, but 'Before The Lobotomy' was a bomb. An amazing tune, wonderful lyrics (a great connection at the end too!) and a very interesting title... After all, not every song title makes you want to reach for the dictionary!

10. Black Eyed Peas' 'I Gotta Feeling': 'Boom Boom Pow' was groundbreaking and it became an instant rage too, but it didn't really connect with me. I, then, happened to listen to 'I Gotta Feeling' which sampled David Guetta's 'Love Is Gone'- a song that I don't like much too. Wonder of wonders! BEP come up with a song so drastically different from 'Love Is Gone' that I felt in instant love with it. This song, too, hit the top of the charts, though it didn't go as big as 'Boom Boom Pow'. Well, no problem at all!

9. Beyonce's 'Halo': When this song released on Beyonce's new album 'I Am... Sasha Fierce', it bore many similarities to Kelly Clarkson's 'Already Gone' which was, too, released this year on her album 'All That I Am', besides having the same writer too: Ryan Tedder, the lead singer of OneRepublic. I am more of a Kelly Clarkson fan and had heard 'Already Gone' but 'Halo' floored me. Completely. From the piano at the start which brings images of a flowing elegant waterfall to the effortless high notes, Beyonce completely lifts this song to another level. Trivia has it that this song was first offered to Leona Lewis and she said no. It would have been nice, Leona Lewis does have a good voice, but maybe this was meant to be Beyonce's!

8. 'Muse's 'United States of Eurasia/Collateral Damage': I first heard Muse in 2006 when I listened to 'Supermassive Black Hole' and 'Knights of Cydonia' on the radio but I never really took an interest in them. This year, thanks to my friend Zena's coaxing I started listening to their songs. 'United States of Eurasia/Collateral Damage' is off their new album 'The Resistance'. It is a song that has been compared to Queen's 'Bohemian Rhapsody' in structure and style. Well that may be taking it a bit too far, but there's no doubt whatsoever that this is a very powerful song. As with recent Muse songs, the lyrics here are political. But that's not all. The hooks, the piano and the piano instrumental, i.e. 'Collateral Damage' really holds me to the end.

7. Jordin Sparks' 'Battlefield': Partly written by Ryan Tedder! (What's with that guy? Last year, he'd written Leona Lewis' 'Bleeding Love') I didn't like 'No Air', but this was super! She has a powerful voice, which along with the piano and the drums make for an amazing song. It would have been a good contender for 'Song of the Year' at the Grammys. Surprisingly it wasn't chosen! Perhaps they felt that Taylor Swift was better! (Yes! I do have an animosity towards her!)

6. Seether's 'Careless Whispers': Who'd have guessed that a cover of an already superb song would be this good? If George Michael's original had swept the entire world, Seether's version rocked the world. The saxophone riff was exchanged by the guitar. And did it sound good! Very few covers sound better than (or as good as) the original. Pearl Jam's 'Last Kiss' is one case. I just added another to this list.

5. Mika’s ‘Blame It On The Girls’: Mika was compared to Freddie Mercury, Robbie Williams, Prince, David Bowie, Scissor Sisters & George Michael after his first album ‘Life In Cartoon Motion’ which contained the insane ‘Love Today’ & the smart yet subtle ‘Grace Kelly’. Mika’s sophomore album ‘The Boy Who Knew Too Much’ had ‘We Are Golden’ as the first single. But it was ‘Blame It On The Girls’ that had me swooning. Tap beats, funky piano, that falsetto voice and ‘did-you-just-say-that?’ lyrics all make this song a must listen.

4. Dave Matthews Band ‘Funny The Way It Is’: I was not much into DMB, although they are one of the most intelligent and creative bands around. The only song that I liked before this was ‘So Much To Say’. ‘Funny The Way It Is’ was their first single off their new album ‘Big Whisky & The Groogrux King’ which was also their first after the accidental demise of their saxophonist and founding member LeRoi Moore. Not much of that is reflected in this song though. ‘Funny The Way It Is’ has a terrific guitar riff and contains the reflective lyrics that DMB have come to be recognised by. I still am not a fan, but this song remains up there.

3. U2’s ‘I’ll Go Crazy If I Don’t Go Crazy Tonight’: U2’s 2009 album ‘No Line On The Horizon’ sounded nothing like their previous 2004 groundbeaking album ‘How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb’. That Album had songs like ‘Vertigo’, ‘Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own’ & ‘City Of Blinding Lights’. And what did this album have? ‘Get On Your Boots’ & ‘Magnificent’??? They were like dust in front of the formerly mentioned songs. Then came along a Grammy nomination for ‘I’ll Go Crazy...’ and so I happened to give it a listen too. Thankfully the Grammys haven’t lost their sense of good music. This song totally deserves the nomination but I can’t say whether it’ll win, because both the categories it has been nominated in has Kings Of Leon’s ‘Use Somebody’ (which is also a good song) and one of my other favourites from this list (No, it hasn’t come up yet in this list)

2. ‘Iktara’ sung by Kavita Seth & Amitabh Bhattacharya, composed by Amit Trivedi and written by Amitabh Bhattacharya from the film ‘Wake Up Sid’: I never said I’m leaving out Hindi songs, it’s just that very few Hindi songs make my favourites list. This was one of them. A breath of fresh air in the movie, I was totally taken aback when I first heard this song. The guitar strumming, sounding like an international hit and then Kavita Seth’s totally rustic, unconventional voice hits out. Wow! What was that???!!! And then along with the drums comes the rousing chorus and Amitabh Bhattacharya’s voice. Well you know the rest. You all have also been probably humming this song.

1. (Yes, this is the song I mentioned in no. 3 and in no. 11 too [Yes I lied, it was mentioned before, though just in passing]) ::drumroll:: Green Day’s ’21 Guns’ – the silencer in the album, where you had to sit up and listen. ‘21^st Century Breakdown’ was the most eagerly awaited album of the year. And why not? ‘American Idiot’ was a blast of freshness. Green Day did not disappoint. ‘21 Guns’ did for this album what ‘Boulevard Of Broken Dreams’ did for the previous one. (Coincidentally, they also have the same chord progression) The song featured the political lyrics that Billie Joe Armstrong prefers writing now but more than that it has become an anthem for peace, the world over, telling us to “lay down your arms, give up the fight” Again, a strong contender at the Grammys facing opposition only from Kings Of Leon & U2.

Well these were my favourites for the year 2009, although I’d like to add a few special mentions.

1. 'Pehli Baar Mohabbat' sung by Mohit Chauhan, composed by Vishal Bhardwaj and written by Gulzar from the film 'Kaminey'

2. Owl City’s ‘Fireflies’

3. Eminem’s ‘Beautiful’

4. Rihanna’s ‘Russian Roulette’

5. Sean Kingston’s ‘Fire Burning’

6. Kings Of Leon’s ‘Use Somebody’

Favourites 1

It's almost the end of the year and every website, magazine and person is busy with compiling their 'Best of 2009' lists. Well I'm not going to stay behind. But since I am not exactly a critic (and also because I've not heard all songs or seen every film out this year) I will write a 'My Favourites of 2009' list. So here goes nothing!

My favourite films of 2009.

Well over here take into consideration that there are still around 12 days for the year to end in which 2 films that I eagerly want to watch are releasing: 3 Idiots & Sherlock Holmes. Besides I haven't watched a few biggies this year like 2012, Avatar, etc. I want to watch Rocket Singh, Up, District 9 and Inglourious Basterds but haven't got the chance yet. So with this in mind here is my list of my favourite films of 2009. This is a very BIASED list and I'm warning you now itself!!!

5. Wake Up Sid: One of the refreshing films of this year, it may have not set the cash registers ringing, but this film about realisation and change struck a chord with the hearts of many young people. A good script (though predictable ending), brilliant cinematography (I loved the office space where Ranbir & Konkona work), superlative performances and rich music make this film a must watch.

4. Kaminey: Vishal Bharadwaj earned the tag of 'Quentin Tarantino-Guy Ritchie of Bollywood' Well he thoroughly deserves it. This film glorifies violence like no other Hindi film has done before (maybe with the exception of Ghajini last year.) Snappy dialogues (Main fa ko fa bolta hoon), wacky characters, intelligent scripting (for once the audience had to guess stuff!), lilting music (Dhan Te Nan may still be on everyone's mind, but it's Pehli Baar Mohabbat for me!) and an amazing double-role-with-lisp-and-stammer performance by Shahid Kapoor (he deserves an Oscar for this!) makes this film a trippy one!

3. Dev.D: I haven't watched Black Friday but I think it's high time I watch it. Sheer brilliance, Anurag Kashyap turned Devdas on its head! It was also the first hit of 2009 in Bollywood. An unconventional Devdas in Abhay Deol, restrained performances by Mahie Gill and Kalki Koechlin, a technically terrific script with stunning visuals and cinematography, novel camera techniques (well, we're studying film in Paper 9, in which we're also studying Dev.D) make this an enjoyable watch.

2. The Hangover: The first English film in this list (and the only one for that matter. Now keep guessing which Hindi flick is on no. 1!) is also one of the highest grossing Hollywood films in India. One of the best adult comedies, this was a sleeper hit which got promoted solely due to word-of-mouth publicity. A very funny situation, some awesome dialogues, this comedy was not ike other silly ones, but one of the smartest comedies ever written. Hangover 2 is in the scripting stage right now, I'm eagerly awaiting that one!

1. Luck By Chance: You may not agree with me, but for me this was THE best film of this year. Zoya Akhtar definitely inherited her father Javed Akhtar's genes (maybe it would have been even better had she not have to share it with Farhan Akhtar) An insider's glimpse into the workings of the Hindi film industry, Luck By Chance threw open the cosets of Bollywood. From a startling beginning to the film to popped eyes in the end, Luck By Chance did not cease to shock. And mind you, it wasn't luck-by-chance that the film was great, Zoya Akhtar wrote a ovely script, paying attention to minute details. Farhan just continued from where he left in Rock On!! and went even ahead. He's an actor to watch out for. Even the supporting actors were cast bang on! Plus the guest appearances (Shah Rukh Khan got such an amazing line!!!) The music by Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy complimented the film greatly too. And Zoya's vision was just too scenic. Just have a look at the picturisation of the first song of the film - Yeh Zindagi Bhi. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1R0gsj3Flio

I wanted to write about my favourite songs too, but I have to wake up in the morning. So for now I'll leave you with this. The list of my favourite songs will be out tomorrow and trust me it won't be as biased as today.

A Droplet in the Sea

This poem was written way back in May. 6th May to be precise. My friend Zena suggested that I should post this up. Well here it is. It was written while I was traveling by train and there was an old man sitting opposite me, although the conversation at the end is entirely fictional.

 

A Droplet in the Sea

 

I charge into the train,

towards the window seat.

Sits in front of me, a man,

so frail, even a child could beat.

 

His clothes are shoddy,

dirty too.

His spectacles are aged,

made in Nineteen Seventy Two.

 

His heart ticks

like the watch on his hand.

Don't know how much time it has,

The batteries going off.

 

An eyelash lies above his mouth,

A wish, he has, unfulfilled.

He wipes his entire face.

Alas! The chance is killed.

 

He is tired and weary,

waiting for his destination.

The next stop is his,

the time is not a question.

 

"What will you do," he asks,

"writing a poem about me?"

"Few years down the line, my son,

you, too, will be a droplet in the sea."

Glimpses Into My Feelings

Expectations

So scary they can be.

Am I really so great

that you expect so much from me?

Misunderstanding

What ruin it can cause!

Was your judgment made in haste,

did you not stand and pause?

Judgment

So quickly can be formed.

Judge not just an action of mine,

to correct it, I have no wand.

Friendship

What an enchanting relationship!

At once 'twas so strong

now can't overlook a glitch?

Hatred

How catastrophic it can get!

The comfort that we shared

now easily you'll forget.

Forgiveness

Is what I'm asking for.

I miss you, my dear friend,

let not hatred be your heart's consent.

The End???

Bottle it up,

within you.

Don't get it

without.

Stay angry

it does help

right?

With others

by your side.

How stubborn

can you be?

A reason was

not needed

But you waited...

Waited...

Like

a vulture for its prey

and when your prayer

took its effect,

You pounced

I was helpless...

Words have ceased

so has the gaze

The emotions too.

This is not

how it should have been

Don't want it to be this way.

You are stubborn

but my friend.

This shouldn't be the end,

my dear friend.

ABCs

1) A – Available/Single?
What's the difference?

2) B – Best friend?
Nigel D'cruz

3) C – Cake or Pie?
Both preferably Cake. Chocolate.

4) D – Drink of choice?

Water, Limca, Juice.

5) E – Essential item you use every day?
Cell, Pen, Computer.

6) F – Favorite colour?
Blue

7) G – Gummy Bears Or Worms?
Gummy Bears

8) H – Hometown?
Goa!!!

9) I – Indulgence?
Chocolates!

10) J – January or February?
November!

11) K – Kids & their names?
Rafael & Audrey, some other names I like are Leticia

12) L – Life is incomplete without?
Friends, Cell phone, internet, music, books & films.

13) M – Marriage date?
20th December, 2012

14) N – Name? Your real name!!
The Name's Runcil. Runcil Rebello.

15) O – Oranges or Apples?

Mangoes

16) P – Phobias/Fears?
None

17) Q – Quote for today?

Idiot, stupid!

18) R – Reason to smile?
Don't need a reason!

19) S – Season?
Winter

20) T – Tag 3 People? 

Simone

21) U – Unknown fact about me?
What do you want to know?

22) V – Vegetable you don’t like?

Many!!!

23) W – Worst habit?
Assuming Stuff!

24) X – X-rays?
Mysterious!

25) Y – Your favorite food?
Chinese, Sausages, Eggs, Noodles, Chocolates!!!

26) Z – Zodiac sign?
Scorpio!

Priority

Slowly they fall,

like the feather through the air.

It starts off like a trickle,

ends in a stream.

What?

What has caused this?

Something that I held

close to my heart,

closer than myself.

Friends show

another

side that was not seen.

Concern goes without

returning.

Why?

Why did I?

I've learnt my lesson.

My priority lessens.

Only when I'm needed

Is when you call.

I asked you something small,

was that an order tall?

Maybe.

You may

not care anymore.

Thank you very much.

I'll now climb the sycamore...

Lyrical Genius

It has been a long time since I've posted something new on my blog. My birthday has come and gone, I was promising myself (and a few others) that I would post a birthday special, sadly, that wasn't to happen. Anyway, as the cliche goes, 'Better Late Than Never'. This isn't exactly a birthday post, but it's personal as I am about to talk about songs. Songs whose lyrics I love for their deep, if not hidden, meanings...

Let me warn you that you may not understand why I've chosen a particular song, but then again as the cliche goes 'What's Food For You May Be Poison For Me'. Plus I had many songs to choose from, I had to limit them, but I'll mention them at the end of the post.

Affirmation by Savage Garden

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self-esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

People who know me also know that I love this song primarily for its wonderful and insightful lyrics. That's why it is first on my list. I believe Darren Hayes and Daniel Jones couldn't have written a better song!

Funny The Way It Is by Dave Matthews Band

Funny the way it is, if you think about it
Somebody's going hungry, someone else is eating out
Funny the way it is, not right or wrong
Somebody's heart is broken, it becomes your favorite song

Funny the way it is, if you think about it
One kid walks 10 miles to school, another's dropping out
Funny the way it is, not right or wrong
On a soldier's last breath, his baby's being born

One of the few recent songs to have really good lyrics. It talks about opposites and also comments on how we should never take things for granted and also be grateful that we are so fortunate!

Californication by Red Hot Chili Peppers

Psychic spies from China
Try to steal your mind's elation
Little girls from Sweden
Dream of silver screen quotations
And if you want these kind of dreams
It's Californication

This song was being written as an afterthought! Well it became one of RHCP's biggest hits and according to me one of their best lyrical works till date. Its comments on the 'Californication' of society is truly hard hitting. My favourite line in this song? "Space may be the final frontier but it's made in a Hollywood Basement" Smart!

One Hand In My Pocket by Alanis Morissette

I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five

No matter how bad life is, always look at the bright side. You wouldn't expect such a perspective from the 'Ironic' girl right? Wonderful opposites (here too) and that ever so cheerful attitude! And that harmonica in the song to top it all! What a masterpiece!

Fix You by Coldplay

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

A song of reassurance, a song of hope, of light after darkness, of (as the cliche goes) 'A Friend In Need Is A Friend Indeed'... Many people say that Chris Martin writes feminist lyrics! Well I don't mind it! He is one of the better lyricists around nowadays! Also listen to Talk, Viva la Vida and Lost!

Mad World by Adam Lambert

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World

The song was originally sung by Tears For Fears and written by its lead singer Roland Orzabal. It was later sung by Gary Jules but in a more soothing manner for the film Donnie Darko. It was also sung by Adam Lambert during American Idol and he gave it a very eerie feeling. This is the version I like best. Now back to the lyrics. Orzabal has said that lyrically the song has a very loose meaning. According to me its like a pastiche, a montage. He paints a lovely one without actually commenting on it! Wonderful!

Last Kiss by Pearl Jam

Oh, where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She's gone to heaven, so I got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.

Like the previous song, this too was written by Wayne Cochran and performed by Wayne Cochran & the C.C. Riders. But it was the Pearl Jam version that really added the emotion to this enthralling piece of work. According to me, one of the best love stories ever written in a song.

I'm Still A Guy by Brad Paisley

These days there's dudes getting facials
Manicured, waxed and botoxed
With deep spray-on tans and creamy lotiony hands
You can't grip a tacklebox

With all of these men lining up to get neutered
It's hip now to be feminized
I don't highlight my hair
I've still got a pair
Yeah honey, I'm still a guy

A tongue-in-cheek song to all you guys and girls who want to shave my chest! I love you Brad for this song! A very funny piece of work and at the same time tells you that (as the cliche goes) 'Boys Will Be Boys'

Angel by Sarah McLachlan

In the arms of the angel

Fly away from here

From this dark cold hotel room

And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage

Of your silent reverie

You're in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort here

Written by McLachlan as an ode to Jonathan Melvoin, the lead singer of The Smashing Pumpkins, who died of a drug overdose. Very sad lyrics, but it fills me up with hope whenever I hear it. The song with its piano solo sounds very haunting. This song was used in the Nicolas Cage film City of Angels but was totally overshadowed by Goo Goo Dolls' Iris, which is, mind you, also a lyrically brilliant song, but I connect to Angel more.

The Animal Song by Savage Garden

'Cause I want to live like animals
Careless and free like animals
I want to live
I want to run through the jungle
The wind in my hair and the sand at my feet

This song's well known. And what a message! Savage Garden's second entry in this list with a different message this time - that of breaking free and letting go! My favourite line here? 'Animals and children tell the truth, they never lie' Deeply philosophical and thought provoking!

Vienna by Billy Joel

Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You better cool it off before you burn it out
You got so much to do and only
so many hours in a day

But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you an just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
When will you realize...
Vienna waits for you

A song to take life as it comes and not to rush with it. Billy Joel says it using Vienna as a backdrop. Lovely!

There are many other songs whose lyrics I love but these are the ones I really admire. I'll mention the others who could not make it to this list.

• Green Day's Boulevard of Broken Dreams
• Linkin Park's Numb
• Train's Drops of Jupiter (This is pure innovation!)
• Dixie Chicks' Not Ready To Make Nice
• Kal Ho Naa Ho from the film Kal Ho Naa Ho (My life's motto)
• Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield
• Old Enough by The Raconteurs
• Can You Feel The Love Tonight by Elton John
• Crash And Burn by Savage Garden (I tell you they were the best!)

You have read my list. I would like you to mention your favourites too... At least maybe 3 songs... I'd like that!

Why I Failed My Exams...

Top 10 reasons students will give when they fail their exams this semester: 

1. I was busy watching Twenty20 cricket. Otago Volts versus Trinidad and Tobago. It was a very interesting match. I couldn't take my eyes off it. (Although I feel the studies might have been more interesting!)

2. The firecrackers disturbed me, I want an eco-friendly Diwali. Curse those F*#@ing children!

3. My girlfriend gave me sleepless nights. (Not to be taken in a figurative manner! You dirty mind!) She wanted me to marry her as quickly as possible or she would apply for her swayamvaar programme on television.

4. I was hooked onto Orkut and Facebook 24/7. In fact on a quiz on fB, I got the result that I'll get 10% in the exams. At least I got 25% and proved them wrong!

5. I was continuously going to church to pray to God. (You know the reason! No, you dumbo! Not for my studies, but for my girlfriend!)

6. I was busy reading Five Point Someone. I related so much to the lead character, that I also felt like failing my exams in order to empathise with his character.

7. The doctor diagnosed me with cramophobia. He told me to stay away from studies, especially from all textbooks with a fine print as that would give me an even severe headache!

8. Our teachers told us to watch films as assignments and analyse it. Unfortunately I forgot the latter part and overdid the former!

9. I was thinking of various topics to write about in my blog as I had not put up anything for a long time. People were anxiously awaiting my next post. So obviously I had to spend a lot of time researching and thinking about my next one!

10. I was fulfilling my civic duty by finding information about the politicians in our area who were standing for elections. You should be proud of me, mom. I voted for the very first time. What is more important? Getting good marks, or having a good government? (Unfortunately no political party had a manifesto stating that it would abolish exams!)

Casting Ouch!

Rakhi Sawant has decided to play Mother Mary, in a new series based on the Bible, that is soon to premiere on television. I was shocked to hear of this and was wondering as to which poor soul could even think of even casting her as Mother Mary. Then I realise that Rakhi is producing the programme herself. She never ceases to wonder...!

This is a very good way of getting yourself noticed... Even I want to produce a TV soap now! I've got a few scripts in mind. And as I've learnt a valuable lesson from Ms./Mrs. (She changes her mind about marriage as swiftly as her clothes! [which anyway shouldn't take much time, considering the amount of clothes she wears!]) Sawant, I now know that casting is of utmost importance. So here goes my wish list for my serial(s)...

A TV adaptation of Devdas: Starring Salman Khan as Devdas who drives two girls mad behind him and then after drinking drives over innocent pedestrians. Paris Hilton will do Paro's role. It will be a tough assignment for her, considering she has to be a demure personality in it. Rakhi Sawant as Chandramukhi... Come on, she's the reigning dancing queen. And then, just imagine the face off between Hilton and Rakhi! I'm suddenly feeling sorry for Salman. Also to give company to Devdas will be Chunnilal's character played by Christiano Ronaldo. The end of the film will also change a little with Chunnilal's character running off with Paro. Casting coup!

A Hindi TV adaptation of Batman: Starring Bobby Darling as Batman/Bruce Wayne. I can already see the bouquets coming out! ::Thank you, thank you:: Anu Malik as Alfred. He has the brooding silence that is necessary for this role. Plus he adds one more facet to Alfred - that of incessantly quoting shayaris. Imagine Alfred saying: (Arz Hain) ::clearing throat, but not to much effect:: Batman is one of a kind, he puts fear in our hearts (repeat once more) He shall clear the city now, even of my dirty farts! Waah waah, kya baat hain! Our very own Raj Thackeray will play the award winning role of The Joker. He will then insist that the show be made in Marathi with the technicians, back-up artists, etc. too being sons of the soil. A hit!

A TV adaptation of Rock On!!: Himesh Reshammiya as the lead singer Aditya Shroff. He will also compose the music for the soap with the lead single being lifted from the title track of the film 'School of Rock'. Also to give competition to Farhan Akhtar, Himesh will sing all the 23 songs of the soap. Harman Baweja will enact guitarist Joe Mascarenhas. This is solely due to his picturisation in the song Jao Na from 'What's Your Rashee?' in which he plays the guitar so well. Dev Patel will play keyboardist Rob's role while Freida Pinto will play drummer KD's role. (Yay! Female Drummer!) The soap will be a big hit because of a) the music and b) Dev & Freida's pairing. Besides Freida will break up with Dev during the course of shooting and start going around with Himesh. Bad luck, Harman and Dev!

A Hindi TV adaptation of Romeo and Juliet: Starring Saif Ali Khan as Romeo and ::drumroll:: Kareena Kapoor as Juliet (You expected anyone else in that role? Saif wouldn't let that happen!). Kanye West will play the crazy character of Mercutio as only he can rap and talk and make senseless allegations at the same time. (Then later on at the Emmy Awards, when Anu Malik is receiving his award for Best Actor in a Supporting Role for Batman, Kanye will run upon stage, make baseless allegations saying that Christiano Ronaldo deserved the award more [because of which Anu Malik will cry "racial discrimination"] and run away with the award.) Shahid Kapur will play the role of the villain Tybalt - Juliet's brother as he hates Romeo and and doesn't want Juliet to get married to him. In the course of shooting Kareena will break up with Saif and run away with Kanye. Apparently she wasn't satisfied with romancing Sylvester Stallone in Kambhakht Ishk. Saif and Shahid will then become chaddi buddies and sing Golddigger "She take my money, well I'm in need. Yeah she's a triflin' friend indeed. Oh she's a gold digger way over time, That digs on me" in memory of their ex-girlfriend. Superhit!

Last but not the least, after producing four soaps for television, I shall move on to the 70mm with a screen adaptation of Indian and world politics. It will be called Rajniti. (Can Raj Thackeray sue me for this? By the way, Prakash Jha will not be able to sue me over the title because my title is spelt Rajniti while his is spelt Rajneeti) Sherlyn Chopra will play the role of Sonia Gandhi while Amitabh Bachchan, after getting inspired by Ranbir Kapoor, Akshay Kumar, Salman Khan (ouch!) and Saif Ali Khan, will sport a turban to play Manmohan Singh's character. Shah Rukh Khan will play Osama Bin Laden for which he'll have to go on an express diet and become anorexic. Akon will play Barack Obama while his wife Michelle Obama will be portrayed by Aishwarya Rai. Boman Irani will play George Bush's character - a person much needed as a comic relief in this emotional and high voltage drama. Ranbir Kapoor will play French President Nicolas Sarkozy while Deepika Padukone will play his bikini-totting wife Carla Bruni and will provide the romantic angle in this film. Aamir Khan and Farhan Akhtar will make guest appearances in the film as Raj Thackeray and his new politics boy Sachin Tendulkar respectively. Wallah!

I wanted Jackie Chan as some Chinese politico but I don't think he'll be having free dates. No worries! I'll cast him for my next film on Indian football as Bhaichung Bhutia. Hopefully my soaps and films will be successful. I also hope that some of the actors go on to win big awards at the international level (::sniff sniff::) and pray that Aamir Khan attends the awards ceremony. Till next time then, dream on!

Titanic Inspired...

A few days back I received an sms from a friend. You must've read it before.

"Rajnikanth is remaking Titanic with some changes. In the end, he doesn't die but swims across the ocean... With the heroine in one hand and the Titanic in the other..."

Well I did laugh at the foolishness of this message. At the same time it set me thinking... Is the quality of films in India still so bad?

I don't think so. OK, I know that there are many nonsensical films that come out every year and still manage to recover its costs. Few recent examples are Welcome, Singhh Iss Kingg, ChandniChowk To China, Kambhakth Ishk, Tashan, etc... (Is it a coincidence that all films mentioned above are AK films?) But besides this the Indian film industry has come out with many gems. A few recent ones would be Taare Zameen Par (unplagiarised, so arty yet so commercial. Hats off to Aamir Khan!), Dev.D, Luck By Chance, Johnny Gaddaar (film noir arrives in Hindi films, albeit silently), Jaane Tu... Ya Jaane Naa, Rock On!!, A Wednesday and more recently Kaminey (film noir arrives with a bang!) Whew! That's a long list of good films.

Some might argue that if our films are so good then how come it never wins (or sometimes even nominated for) the Oscars. Well people need to understand that there's a huge cultural difference in the West and in India. People in the West do not view the film from the same perspective that we do. People might not have understood the concept behind TZP just because dyslexic children may not be treated so badly there while for us in India, people are still not aware about it... Similar is the case with A Wednesday... In the US and the UK, anti terrorism laws are in place while being very stringent unlike the laws here in India... The audience there will not understand the angst and helplessness among the people of India who are fed up with the constant inactivity on the part of the government...

The script is finally getting top billing in India. We can see the trend with the flop list I've mentioned above... But at the same time actors, or rather stars, are totally necessary in a country like ours. Lagaan or TZP would not have been successful without Aamir Khan's name attached to it. Neither would have Chak De India without Shah Rukh Khan or Love Aaj Kal without Saif Ali Khan.

I'm looking forward to some more script-strenghtened films in the future from the Hindi stable. Wake Up Sid, 3 Idiots, Kites, My Name Is Khan, Delhi Belly are just a few...

Now I revert back to that sms joke. After I read that sms, I also began wondering what would be the actual story of Titanic if it was remade in India. Well I went into daydreaming mode and came up with a good script. (Mind you, this is copyrighted by me!) In keeping with the habit of Indian directors to plagiarise from other films, I too have done the same.

The film starts with a cruise ship called the Tata-nic making its maiden voyage from Karachi to Bombay. On board are 4456 (exactly the double of Titanic) passengers including the crew. This is the first of its kind ship started by the two neighbouring countries to promote peace and harmony. The ship is packed to its brims just like the local trains of Bombay.

On board the ship are 2 twin brothers (Kaminey) named Jackie and Charlie (played by Imran Khan), who are actually terrorists with a suitcase that contains a bomb. They fall in love with a girl called Rosy (played by Deepika Padukone) who happens to be the Indian Prime Minister's daughter. One night at the dinner party on the ship, both the twins get drunk and wake up directly the next morning all woozy, and not being able to recollect the happenings of the previous night. (The Hangover) The suitcase is missing from their room and they start searching frantically for it. At the same time a pirate ship attacks the Tata-nic (Pirates of the Caribbean, only here it's more like Pirates of the Arabian!) The pirates, headed by Captain Jackie Crow (played by Hrithik Roshan), start ransacking the entire ship during which they find the suitcase. They are about to open it when Rosy gets her sten-gun out n starts firing at the pirates (Kaminey). The twins rush to help her and eventually the ship is saved.

Rosy then tells them that the suitcase was in her room the previous night. The twins start wondering as to how it landed there when Rosy tells that she had sexual intercourse with Jackie the previous night. Both the twins are startled and start worrying as they were not supposed to do anything else on the ship besides planting the bomb. Charlie is shocked that his brother could go to such an extent. Meanwhile Rosy's brother, D(h)ope, (played by Saif Ali Khan) overhears everything and goes into fight mode. In the bargain the suitcase falls into one of the pipes and it blasts. The people start panicking.

During this time both the twins have gone through a change of heart and try helping people. Rosy is distraught to know that her lover is a terrorist. (New York) Dhope is still on a killing spree and he injures Jackie. Charlie comes and shoots him. Rosy is further pushed to tears but she decides that she must support her lover in his time of need and not her brother. (Romeo And Juliet) Jackie is losing blood profusely while Charlie and Rosy try to help him. Jackie knows he's about to die and so entrusts Rosy to Charlie's care (Kal Ho Naa Ho) while saying, "Woman, behold your lover." (Biblical Allusion)

The ship is sinking in full swing. Meanwhile the ship's authorities are trying to rescue the people in order of caste and wealth, while taking a bribe from then at the same time. Lots were also being cast for the weak lifeboats. (Biblical Allusion) So the politicians, diplomats and landlords are already being put down in the lifeboats. The ship breaks into half (like a KitKat) with the lights flickering at first and then totally dimming. Charlie and Rosy hold on to the railings of the ship while the ship gets pulled in. Charlie instructs Rosy to hold her breath and start swimming, which they eventually do. But alas! the Tata-nic sinks and with it, pulls all the other people and the lifeboats due to its suction power. Miraculously one weak lifeboat is left, with the bribe money in it, in which our couple get onto. The couple float in the lifeboat for days without food or drinking water during which Charlie says, "Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink." (From the poem 'The Rime Of The Ancient Mariner' by S. Coleridge)

Eventually they see land and quickly swim towards it. They find out that it is a deserted island. (The Lord Of The Flies, Castaway, Madagascar). They roam around building a shelter and exploring the island while also making love to each other. (The Blue Lagoon) And thus they live happily ever after with 1 kid who turns green due to the extreme climate on the island. (Shrek)

Questions Waiting to be Answered...

Some questions that have always got me thinking... Some are damn mind-boggling too...

Why are child actors not considered as child labour?

How does one horoscope in the newspaper apply to so many people who share the same sign?

What should I do if I'm getting married and my horoscope for that day says that 'relationships are going to take a turn for the worse'?

How come the sequels to a film never usually match up to the original? (Notable Exceptions: Indiana Jones Series, Shrek & Nolan's Batman Series)

Why is Shah Rukh Khan considered as an actor with just one facial expression when he's played many different roles, such as that of a villain in Anjaam, Darr, Baazigar; a romantic hero in Veer-Zaara, DDLJ, KKHH, etc.; comedy in Duplicate, Yes Boss, Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa, etc.; ground-breaking roles in Swades and Chak De India and at the same time won so many awards for it too?

How come no one noticed Rob Pattinson in Harry Potter 4 or 5, but only in Twilight? Was it the excessive make-up?

Why do people consider Jim Carrey as only a comedian when he has carried out serious roles in films like The Truman Show, The Majestic, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Number 23, etc.?

How come Titanic hasn't been adapted (copied, rather) for an Indian audience yet? (In the Indian version, the hero and the heroine will be the only ones to survive along with the heavy suitcase of the villain which is full of money and shares. After this they will break into a romantic song in which the they will swim [read: run] around the ship [read: tree])

How come Pritam's plagiarised songs sound better than the ones from which he has shamelessly lifted?

Considering the West's point of view that Slumdog Milionaire was AR Rahman's best work to date (thanks to the Oscar) then what will happen when they hear the soundtrack to the films Rang De Basanti, Delhi 6, Lagaan, Saathiya, etc.?

Whom should I believe- the church who says that Hotel California has Antichrist traces or Eagles themselves who have denied such allegations? (Considering that bands usually never hide the themes or the ideas that inspired them to write their songs.)

Why did my parents ever feed me with the sugar-coated story of Santa Claus if they had to break the bubble later on?

If boredom gets your creative juices flowing (as my friend Julie once said), them what about lack of sleep? (Considering that this entire post was born due staying awake till 3am because of lack of sleep!)

How does the fast train manage to move slower than the slow train?

How in the world did Akshay Kumar films like Singgh Is Kingg and Welcome become hits? (Thank God CC2C, Tashan & Kambhakht Ishq flopped!!!)

Will the style that is so much in vogue nowadays be called the retro style 30-40 years later?

We have had rock stars like Freddie Mercury (Queen), Steven Tyler (Aerosmith), Kurt Cobain (Nirvana) and Axl Rose (Guns N' Roses) as our idols in music so long that we look up to them even today... 30-40 years hence who will be that generation's icons? Anthony Kiedis (Red Hot Chili Peppers), Dave Matthews (Dave Matthews Band), Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam), Billie Joe Armstrong (Green Day), Chris Martin (Coldplay) OR Akon, 50 Cent, Enrique Iglesias, Shakira, Flo Rida, Eminem?????

If people hear from one ear and let it out through the other ear, does it mean that they do not have a brain in the middle to register anything?

When is the next reality show coming out? 'Iss Reality Show Se Mujhe Bachao' - the show in which 10 contestants will stay in a house while facing an onslaught of various other reality shows (like Himesh Reshammiya's Roti act in SaReGaMaPa, Rakhi Ka Swayamvar [or whoever else they manage to get], Iss Jungle Se Mujhe Bachao, Bigg Boss, etc. Maybe an international reality show like Paris Hilton's Best Friends Forever can also be added for the contestants with an international taste!) The contestants will stay in the house for only 40 days. (Come on, if Jesus could fast in the desert for us for 40 days, we can surely bear the 'torture'!)