A few days back I received an sms from a friend. You must've read it before.
"Rajnikanth is remaking Titanic with some changes. In the end, he doesn't die but swims across the ocean... With the heroine in one hand and the Titanic in the other..."
Well I did laugh at the foolishness of this message. At the same time it set me thinking... Is the quality of films in India still so bad?
I don't think so. OK, I know that there are many nonsensical films that come out every year and still manage to recover its costs. Few recent examples are Welcome, Singhh Iss Kingg, ChandniChowk To China, Kambhakth Ishk, Tashan, etc... (Is it a coincidence that all films mentioned above are AK films?) But besides this the Indian film industry has come out with many gems. A few recent ones would be Taare Zameen Par (unplagiarised, so arty yet so commercial. Hats off to Aamir Khan!), Dev.D, Luck By Chance, Johnny Gaddaar (film noir arrives in Hindi films, albeit silently), Jaane Tu... Ya Jaane Naa, Rock On!!, A Wednesday and more recently Kaminey (film noir arrives with a bang!) Whew! That's a long list of good films.
Some might argue that if our films are so good then how come it never wins (or sometimes even nominated for) the Oscars. Well people need to understand that there's a huge cultural difference in the West and in India. People in the West do not view the film from the same perspective that we do. People might not have understood the concept behind TZP just because dyslexic children may not be treated so badly there while for us in India, people are still not aware about it... Similar is the case with A Wednesday... In the US and the UK, anti terrorism laws are in place while being very stringent unlike the laws here in India... The audience there will not understand the angst and helplessness among the people of India who are fed up with the constant inactivity on the part of the government...
The script is finally getting top billing in India. We can see the trend with the flop list I've mentioned above... But at the same time actors, or rather stars, are totally necessary in a country like ours. Lagaan or TZP would not have been successful without Aamir Khan's name attached to it. Neither would have Chak De India without Shah Rukh Khan or Love Aaj Kal without Saif Ali Khan.
I'm looking forward to some more script-strenghtened films in the future from the Hindi stable. Wake Up Sid, 3 Idiots, Kites, My Name Is Khan, Delhi Belly are just a few...
Now I revert back to that sms joke. After I read that sms, I also began wondering what would be the actual story of Titanic if it was remade in India. Well I went into daydreaming mode and came up with a good script. (Mind you, this is copyrighted by me!) In keeping with the habit of Indian directors to plagiarise from other films, I too have done the same.
The film starts with a cruise ship called the Tata-nic making its maiden voyage from Karachi to Bombay. On board are 4456 (exactly the double of Titanic) passengers including the crew. This is the first of its kind ship started by the two neighbouring countries to promote peace and harmony. The ship is packed to its brims just like the local trains of Bombay.
On board the ship are 2 twin brothers (Kaminey) named Jackie and Charlie (played by Imran Khan), who are actually terrorists with a suitcase that contains a bomb. They fall in love with a girl called Rosy (played by Deepika Padukone) who happens to be the Indian Prime Minister's daughter. One night at the dinner party on the ship, both the twins get drunk and wake up directly the next morning all woozy, and not being able to recollect the happenings of the previous night. (The Hangover) The suitcase is missing from their room and they start searching frantically for it. At the same time a pirate ship attacks the Tata-nic (Pirates of the Caribbean, only here it's more like Pirates of the Arabian!) The pirates, headed by Captain Jackie Crow (played by Hrithik Roshan), start ransacking the entire ship during which they find the suitcase. They are about to open it when Rosy gets her sten-gun out n starts firing at the pirates (Kaminey). The twins rush to help her and eventually the ship is saved.
Rosy then tells them that the suitcase was in her room the previous night. The twins start wondering as to how it landed there when Rosy tells that she had sexual intercourse with Jackie the previous night. Both the twins are startled and start worrying as they were not supposed to do anything else on the ship besides planting the bomb. Charlie is shocked that his brother could go to such an extent. Meanwhile Rosy's brother, D(h)ope, (played by Saif Ali Khan) overhears everything and goes into fight mode. In the bargain the suitcase falls into one of the pipes and it blasts. The people start panicking.
During this time both the twins have gone through a change of heart and try helping people. Rosy is distraught to know that her lover is a terrorist. (New York) Dhope is still on a killing spree and he injures Jackie. Charlie comes and shoots him. Rosy is further pushed to tears but she decides that she must support her lover in his time of need and not her brother. (Romeo And Juliet) Jackie is losing blood profusely while Charlie and Rosy try to help him. Jackie knows he's about to die and so entrusts Rosy to Charlie's care (Kal Ho Naa Ho) while saying, "Woman, behold your lover." (Biblical Allusion)
The ship is sinking in full swing. Meanwhile the ship's authorities are trying to rescue the people in order of caste and wealth, while taking a bribe from then at the same time. Lots were also being cast for the weak lifeboats. (Biblical Allusion) So the politicians, diplomats and landlords are already being put down in the lifeboats. The ship breaks into half (like a KitKat) with the lights flickering at first and then totally dimming. Charlie and Rosy hold on to the railings of the ship while the ship gets pulled in. Charlie instructs Rosy to hold her breath and start swimming, which they eventually do. But alas! the Tata-nic sinks and with it, pulls all the other people and the lifeboats due to its suction power. Miraculously one weak lifeboat is left, with the bribe money in it, in which our couple get onto. The couple float in the lifeboat for days without food or drinking water during which Charlie says, "Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink." (From the poem 'The Rime Of The Ancient Mariner' by S. Coleridge)
Eventually they see land and quickly swim towards it. They find out that it is a deserted island. (The Lord Of The Flies, Castaway, Madagascar). They roam around building a shelter and exploring the island while also making love to each other. (The Blue Lagoon) And thus they live happily ever after with 1 kid who turns green due to the extreme climate on the island. (Shrek)
Showing posts with label Titanic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Titanic. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Questions Waiting to be Answered...
Some questions that have always got me thinking... Some are damn mind-boggling too...
Why are child actors not considered as child labour?
How does one horoscope in the newspaper apply to so many people who share the same sign?
What should I do if I'm getting married and my horoscope for that day says that 'relationships are going to take a turn for the worse'?
How come the sequels to a film never usually match up to the original? (Notable Exceptions: Indiana Jones Series, Shrek & Nolan's Batman Series)
Why is Shah Rukh Khan considered as an actor with just one facial expression when he's played many different roles, such as that of a villain in Anjaam, Darr, Baazigar; a romantic hero in Veer-Zaara, DDLJ, KKHH, etc.; comedy in Duplicate, Yes Boss, Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa, etc.; ground-breaking roles in Swades and Chak De India and at the same time won so many awards for it too?
How come no one noticed Rob Pattinson in Harry Potter 4 or 5, but only in Twilight? Was it the excessive make-up?
Why do people consider Jim Carrey as only a comedian when he has carried out serious roles in films like The Truman Show, The Majestic, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Number 23, etc.?
How come Titanic hasn't been adapted (copied, rather) for an Indian audience yet? (In the Indian version, the hero and the heroine will be the only ones to survive along with the heavy suitcase of the villain which is full of money and shares. After this they will break into a romantic song in which the they will swim [read: run] around the ship [read: tree])
How come Pritam's plagiarised songs sound better than the ones from which he has shamelessly lifted?
Considering the West's point of view that Slumdog Milionaire was AR Rahman's best work to date (thanks to the Oscar) then what will happen when they hear the soundtrack to the films Rang De Basanti, Delhi 6, Lagaan, Saathiya, etc.?
Whom should I believe- the church who says that Hotel California has Antichrist traces or Eagles themselves who have denied such allegations? (Considering that bands usually never hide the themes or the ideas that inspired them to write their songs.)
Why did my parents ever feed me with the sugar-coated story of Santa Claus if they had to break the bubble later on?
If boredom gets your creative juices flowing (as my friend Julie once said), them what about lack of sleep? (Considering that this entire post was born due staying awake till 3am because of lack of sleep!)
How does the fast train manage to move slower than the slow train?
How in the world did Akshay Kumar films like Singgh Is Kingg and Welcome become hits? (Thank God CC2C, Tashan & Kambhakht Ishq flopped!!!)
Will the style that is so much in vogue nowadays be called the retro style 30-40 years later?
We have had rock stars like Freddie Mercury (Queen), Steven Tyler (Aerosmith), Kurt Cobain (Nirvana) and Axl Rose (Guns N' Roses) as our idols in music so long that we look up to them even today... 30-40 years hence who will be that generation's icons? Anthony Kiedis (Red Hot Chili Peppers), Dave Matthews (Dave Matthews Band), Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam), Billie Joe Armstrong (Green Day), Chris Martin (Coldplay) OR Akon, 50 Cent, Enrique Iglesias, Shakira, Flo Rida, Eminem?????
If people hear from one ear and let it out through the other ear, does it mean that they do not have a brain in the middle to register anything?
When is the next reality show coming out? 'Iss Reality Show Se Mujhe Bachao' - the show in which 10 contestants will stay in a house while facing an onslaught of various other reality shows (like Himesh Reshammiya's Roti act in SaReGaMaPa, Rakhi Ka Swayamvar [or whoever else they manage to get], Iss Jungle Se Mujhe Bachao, Bigg Boss, etc. Maybe an international reality show like Paris Hilton's Best Friends Forever can also be added for the contestants with an international taste!) The contestants will stay in the house for only 40 days. (Come on, if Jesus could fast in the desert for us for 40 days, we can surely bear the 'torture'!)
Why are child actors not considered as child labour?
How does one horoscope in the newspaper apply to so many people who share the same sign?
What should I do if I'm getting married and my horoscope for that day says that 'relationships are going to take a turn for the worse'?
How come the sequels to a film never usually match up to the original? (Notable Exceptions: Indiana Jones Series, Shrek & Nolan's Batman Series)
Why is Shah Rukh Khan considered as an actor with just one facial expression when he's played many different roles, such as that of a villain in Anjaam, Darr, Baazigar; a romantic hero in Veer-Zaara, DDLJ, KKHH, etc.; comedy in Duplicate, Yes Boss, Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa, etc.; ground-breaking roles in Swades and Chak De India and at the same time won so many awards for it too?
How come no one noticed Rob Pattinson in Harry Potter 4 or 5, but only in Twilight? Was it the excessive make-up?
Why do people consider Jim Carrey as only a comedian when he has carried out serious roles in films like The Truman Show, The Majestic, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Number 23, etc.?
How come Titanic hasn't been adapted (copied, rather) for an Indian audience yet? (In the Indian version, the hero and the heroine will be the only ones to survive along with the heavy suitcase of the villain which is full of money and shares. After this they will break into a romantic song in which the they will swim [read: run] around the ship [read: tree])
How come Pritam's plagiarised songs sound better than the ones from which he has shamelessly lifted?
Considering the West's point of view that Slumdog Milionaire was AR Rahman's best work to date (thanks to the Oscar) then what will happen when they hear the soundtrack to the films Rang De Basanti, Delhi 6, Lagaan, Saathiya, etc.?
Whom should I believe- the church who says that Hotel California has Antichrist traces or Eagles themselves who have denied such allegations? (Considering that bands usually never hide the themes or the ideas that inspired them to write their songs.)
Why did my parents ever feed me with the sugar-coated story of Santa Claus if they had to break the bubble later on?
If boredom gets your creative juices flowing (as my friend Julie once said), them what about lack of sleep? (Considering that this entire post was born due staying awake till 3am because of lack of sleep!)
How does the fast train manage to move slower than the slow train?
How in the world did Akshay Kumar films like Singgh Is Kingg and Welcome become hits? (Thank God CC2C, Tashan & Kambhakht Ishq flopped!!!)
Will the style that is so much in vogue nowadays be called the retro style 30-40 years later?
We have had rock stars like Freddie Mercury (Queen), Steven Tyler (Aerosmith), Kurt Cobain (Nirvana) and Axl Rose (Guns N' Roses) as our idols in music so long that we look up to them even today... 30-40 years hence who will be that generation's icons? Anthony Kiedis (Red Hot Chili Peppers), Dave Matthews (Dave Matthews Band), Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam), Billie Joe Armstrong (Green Day), Chris Martin (Coldplay) OR Akon, 50 Cent, Enrique Iglesias, Shakira, Flo Rida, Eminem?????
If people hear from one ear and let it out through the other ear, does it mean that they do not have a brain in the middle to register anything?
When is the next reality show coming out? 'Iss Reality Show Se Mujhe Bachao' - the show in which 10 contestants will stay in a house while facing an onslaught of various other reality shows (like Himesh Reshammiya's Roti act in SaReGaMaPa, Rakhi Ka Swayamvar [or whoever else they manage to get], Iss Jungle Se Mujhe Bachao, Bigg Boss, etc. Maybe an international reality show like Paris Hilton's Best Friends Forever can also be added for the contestants with an international taste!) The contestants will stay in the house for only 40 days. (Come on, if Jesus could fast in the desert for us for 40 days, we can surely bear the 'torture'!)
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